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vastexpletive) wrote2013-12-25 03:15 am
vastexpletive) wrote2013-12-25 03:15 am
Merry Christmas, Mari!
Sharing.
It's the lesson you learn early in life. Preschool, you get told to share your toys. You get in trouble if you don't. It's a lesson that's pretty much drilled into your head and it's one of the first to leave by the time you reach middleschool. Then when you graduate, it comes back. Maybe you give to a homeless person, or donate to charity. It never quite holds the weight it did when you were young, though. No one sends you to your room if you don't give a dollar to that homeless person, no one threatens you with punishment if you don't donate to a charity.
Of all the things you're expected to share in your lifetime, though? Usually it's not a woman.
Looking back on everything, Dave isn't sure how it actually fell into place the way it did. The whole situation feels like a blur when Dave thinks about it. Their meeting at the lake, their threesome adventure, everything in between. Every second he spends with Riley, Dave can't help but fall for her harder and harder. If you asked Dave if he was scared, he would say so. If you hooked Dave to a lie detector when you ask him that, it would register a lie.
He's fucking terrified, even if he denies it to himself and to anyone who might ask. Rose is the only one in his life he's ever trusted, ever gotten close to. Everyone else has been kept at arm's length and for good reason. When you live in a world where the evil fish alien bitch who took over wants you dead, it's kind of hard to trust someone, hard to build any sort of relationship. Rose is the only one he could trust, because she's in the same boat as he is. They were each the only one the other had. But then his entire life was flipped on its head. Taken to another universe where everyone (mostly) was nice, where he didn't have to live in fear of getting stabbed in the back, Dave found that he could build relationships and open up to people.
Somehow he lucked out and Riley was the first one he found.
Somehow his luck didn't hold out, because Herc had gotten there around the same time he had. Riley wasn't his and his alone. He told himself it doesn't matter hundreds of times, that he would be happy just having her in his life. And that's true, a lie detector would tell you that much easily. But it's not the whole truth, either. When you experience the level of trust and intimacy like the two of them had on their first meeting, it's hard to imagine a relationship any other way than that. Living life as RIley's friend and only her friend is certainly possible, but it's not ideal.
How he got to the point where he wants a relationship with her is one of the most crystal clear parts of the whole thing. Everything about the two of them fits. From the way their personalities mesh, right down to the way her body fits against his. It feels right and that's the hardest part to swallow about the whole thing, because he can't have her to himself. Despite that, Dave can't bring himself to be angry with Herc. Who can blame Herc for being into Riley, too? The truth of the matter is, Dave's surprised that Riley isn't beating men back with a stick. Riley is just so...
Perfect.
That's really the only way to describe her. She might not think so, but in Dave's eyes he's never seen someone so completely and utterly beautiful as she is, in personality and looks. He hasn't spotted a quality to her that he doesn't like. Some might look at her missing leg in disgust, but Dave doesn't look at her and see a woman missing a part of herself. To Dave, she's a whole woman. A whole and beautiful woman. A woman he wants all to himself but he knows he can't have her that way. Riley likes the both of them and she wants the both of them.
Somehow she's wrapped herself so far around his finger that he's willing to give her that. Of course he enjoys spending time with Herc, but there's still that part of him that's a little bitter, a little jealous that he didn't get there first so that he could have all of the claim on her. Sometimes he imagines what it would be like if he had. If he could somehow have her to himself. Sometimes he gets scared when he does that, because it shows the true depths of how he feels towards her. When you think of someone and imagine a future involving the two of you owning a house and starting a family together, you know you're head over heels in...
love.
Love is really the only word that can describe the feelings Dave has for Riley. When he allows himself to admit that the L word is involved, that's when Dave feels the most afraid. He's never loved anyone in that way before. The love a brother has for his sister is far different than the love a man has for a woman. It's the kind of love that goes deep enough that when it hits you, you can't breathe. When your thoughts are on them and only them for days. When talking to that person is the best part of your day, even if the conversation isn't anything deep and profound. When you can spend time with them doing absolutely nothing and not a second of it is boring at all. When you would literally do anything in the world for them if they ask.
All of these things are things Dave has felt when he thinks of Riley and it's terrifying. Try as he might, though? He can't find it in himself to regret a moment of it. Sharing or not, Dave is still happy, because it's what Riley wants and whatever Riley wants, Dave is happy to do. The situation might not be ideal and it may be a little dysfunctional at times, it may hurt on occasion and make him want to punch a wall, but he would never change it. The alternative, the idea of not having Riley in his life?
It's unimaginable.
It's the lesson you learn early in life. Preschool, you get told to share your toys. You get in trouble if you don't. It's a lesson that's pretty much drilled into your head and it's one of the first to leave by the time you reach middleschool. Then when you graduate, it comes back. Maybe you give to a homeless person, or donate to charity. It never quite holds the weight it did when you were young, though. No one sends you to your room if you don't give a dollar to that homeless person, no one threatens you with punishment if you don't donate to a charity.
Of all the things you're expected to share in your lifetime, though? Usually it's not a woman.
Looking back on everything, Dave isn't sure how it actually fell into place the way it did. The whole situation feels like a blur when Dave thinks about it. Their meeting at the lake, their threesome adventure, everything in between. Every second he spends with Riley, Dave can't help but fall for her harder and harder. If you asked Dave if he was scared, he would say so. If you hooked Dave to a lie detector when you ask him that, it would register a lie.
He's fucking terrified, even if he denies it to himself and to anyone who might ask. Rose is the only one in his life he's ever trusted, ever gotten close to. Everyone else has been kept at arm's length and for good reason. When you live in a world where the evil fish alien bitch who took over wants you dead, it's kind of hard to trust someone, hard to build any sort of relationship. Rose is the only one he could trust, because she's in the same boat as he is. They were each the only one the other had. But then his entire life was flipped on its head. Taken to another universe where everyone (mostly) was nice, where he didn't have to live in fear of getting stabbed in the back, Dave found that he could build relationships and open up to people.
Somehow he lucked out and Riley was the first one he found.
Somehow his luck didn't hold out, because Herc had gotten there around the same time he had. Riley wasn't his and his alone. He told himself it doesn't matter hundreds of times, that he would be happy just having her in his life. And that's true, a lie detector would tell you that much easily. But it's not the whole truth, either. When you experience the level of trust and intimacy like the two of them had on their first meeting, it's hard to imagine a relationship any other way than that. Living life as RIley's friend and only her friend is certainly possible, but it's not ideal.
How he got to the point where he wants a relationship with her is one of the most crystal clear parts of the whole thing. Everything about the two of them fits. From the way their personalities mesh, right down to the way her body fits against his. It feels right and that's the hardest part to swallow about the whole thing, because he can't have her to himself. Despite that, Dave can't bring himself to be angry with Herc. Who can blame Herc for being into Riley, too? The truth of the matter is, Dave's surprised that Riley isn't beating men back with a stick. Riley is just so...
Perfect.
That's really the only way to describe her. She might not think so, but in Dave's eyes he's never seen someone so completely and utterly beautiful as she is, in personality and looks. He hasn't spotted a quality to her that he doesn't like. Some might look at her missing leg in disgust, but Dave doesn't look at her and see a woman missing a part of herself. To Dave, she's a whole woman. A whole and beautiful woman. A woman he wants all to himself but he knows he can't have her that way. Riley likes the both of them and she wants the both of them.
Somehow she's wrapped herself so far around his finger that he's willing to give her that. Of course he enjoys spending time with Herc, but there's still that part of him that's a little bitter, a little jealous that he didn't get there first so that he could have all of the claim on her. Sometimes he imagines what it would be like if he had. If he could somehow have her to himself. Sometimes he gets scared when he does that, because it shows the true depths of how he feels towards her. When you think of someone and imagine a future involving the two of you owning a house and starting a family together, you know you're head over heels in...
love.
Love is really the only word that can describe the feelings Dave has for Riley. When he allows himself to admit that the L word is involved, that's when Dave feels the most afraid. He's never loved anyone in that way before. The love a brother has for his sister is far different than the love a man has for a woman. It's the kind of love that goes deep enough that when it hits you, you can't breathe. When your thoughts are on them and only them for days. When talking to that person is the best part of your day, even if the conversation isn't anything deep and profound. When you can spend time with them doing absolutely nothing and not a second of it is boring at all. When you would literally do anything in the world for them if they ask.
All of these things are things Dave has felt when he thinks of Riley and it's terrifying. Try as he might, though? He can't find it in himself to regret a moment of it. Sharing or not, Dave is still happy, because it's what Riley wants and whatever Riley wants, Dave is happy to do. The situation might not be ideal and it may be a little dysfunctional at times, it may hurt on occasion and make him want to punch a wall, but he would never change it. The alternative, the idea of not having Riley in his life?
It's unimaginable.